"Attachment" is a developmental mechanism with us from the moment we're born through the day we die. This mechanism affects the emotional bonds which endure over time. We build these bonds with other people, our ability to build meaningful relationships, our sense of identity, and our ability to co-regulate our emotions. It's a big deal!
Some people write off "crappy" childhoods as just "something that happened, I'm over it now". Maybe that's true, but for most of us the relationships we built in childhood with the people taking care of us play an incredibly important role in our emotional well-being as adults. Those of us that struggle with "attachment wounds" often find ourselves either too-far ("You check out whenever we fight!") or too-close ("You're smothering me, I need some room to breathe!) to those we love as adults. We have a hard time building close, flexible, meaningful relationships with the important people in our lives. There's a reason for that!
What is Attachment?
What Are Attachment Wounds?
An attachment wound is an emotional injury that is the result of our inner needs not being understood, recognized, or accepted by the people we're most connected to. This happens to everyone in childhood from time to time. Event the best parents or partners get exhausted and miss some cues!
Bigger problems arise when this mis-attunement occurs repeatedly, more times than not, over a long period of time. We have a basic human need to be seen, heard, and understood. When these needs go unmet, we end up with big problems on our hands!
Attachment wounds result from a "felt" sense of being unsafe. This doesn't necessarily mean that we're physically unsafe (although it can). Sometimes our parents feed us, shelter us, and care for us, but we just don't feel safe to be our authentic selves.
These wounds often go un-attended to in childhood, but show up all-too-frequently when adults walk into the therapy room. Attachment wounds don't always fully heal and often get torn back open in our adult relationships. This can happen in the wake of a violation of trust—particularly in a time of need or a moment of loss or transition. When these old wounds are reopened, it can leave one or both partners feeling betrayed or abandoned
How Do We Heal From Attachment Wounds?
The Demon Dialogues
Often times our conflicts with others follow a familiar pattern. We call these the "Demon Dialogues". Do your conflicts with loved ones tend to start the same way? End the same way? What are the triggers that start these familiar dances?
How Can We Help?
Our therapist are trained, experienced, and certified in working with attachment wounds in adults. We offer individual therapy, group therapy, and occupational therapy to engage you as a whole-person while you work towards healing.
Wounds that happen in relationship are best healed in safe, predictable relationships. Our therapists are ready to walk with you in the dark and guide you when you feel lost. You don't have to heal alone.